Wanking- The mass debate

Bashing the bishop, beating the meat, strangling the snake, playing the kazoo, squeezing the tube, and of course aving a wank. All wonderfully funny sayings used to describe the art (oh trust me it’s an art) of masturbating. A word which is too boring for what it really entails. The thing is it’s so simple a monkey could do it and I’m sure they do and you don’t even need any instructions. It is mans oldest form of entertainment  and we are built in with our very own speedometer deciding how fast we wish to go, bash, bang, or wallop away. It’s extraordinary; of course women will never understand,  they are really subconsciously jealous. Because man has been blessed with a gift, I mean who needs to pop a couple of headache tablets after a stressful day when you’ve got this baby at your dispersal. Just whip it out-(preferably at home but it’s a free country so whatever floats your boat) and strum away, imagine you’re playing guitar hero perhaps...? Wonderful though aint it and let’s be honest no woman will ever be as good as your very own Mrs Palm and her 5 lovely daughters will she? So next time you’re having a pop with lil Johnny Thomas just remember how lucky you are!  And that my friend is why men don’t need Ann Summers.

The recession youths

                                                   We are the recession youths

You know who you are; you struggle, but you work and you’re paid but still you struggle.

The price is too high, the wage too low. Feels like the 40’S; the government- career politicians; never having experienced the REAL world. You know the one; yeah that’s right a world outside of private education; oxford Cambridge and the high society. I’m talking about our world, my world, YOUR world. The governments chop and change, new leaders are elected the policies ALL controversial. All right. All wrong. The United Kingdom is in a mess and it seems like it’s never going to change. We are the recession youths a generation of teenagers and young people growing up under the blissful ignorance of false prosperieity and hope. Only to emerge into of world of greed and unfairness, we have been bred into a generation of government haters and who can blame us.  We were brainwashed by the schooling system that college was the way (this was only enforced by the government to keep their unemployment figures down) so some of us went to college, some didn’t. Those that did soon discovered that it had all been a waste of their time because there are no jobs or careers available to young people in Britain; perhaps a slight exaggeration but not far from the truth. A large proportion of those that skipped college and did manage to find a job experienced debt, redundancy and liquidation. Everything is expensive, car insurance is too high, and fuel is ridiculous. How are we supposed to get on the ladder in life’ let alone the bloody property ladder. Roll on the generation of renting because how many young people can save a £40,000 deposit?

Is this a bitter tone I preach, indeed it is; unfortunately we were made this way. However whether you hate the money wasting labour party, the cutback Tories or the lying liberals. WE WILL FIGHT through this age of struggle, we will be the wise and rise we will, and when we do emerge from the darkness and through into the light we will be smarter, more capable more independent and as a generation, we will make sure it never has to be this way again.

TESCO- The regime

Mankind has come a long way since killing his first meal, by golly has he. The art of hunting was a must for all who wanted to survive; soon the art of cooking was learnt, and later; many years later came the stores. That’s right supermarkets a word which nowadays seems very apt for what they are. Which is simply a super- market; when they first began they arrived small and much to the understandable uproar of local businesses and residents. The fear of something bigger and possibly better coming along was too much for people to bear think about, and it sent tremors up the spines of butchers, green grocers and bakers alike Are they going to steal our trade? Was the common thought swirling their minds. The answer it seemed was a very definite yes, and the scary thing was it was rightly so. The convenience of these stores was just so great that in the end even the most defiant of souls eventually gave in. Of course there were those traditionalists who still wanted to buy their meat from the butchers and their bread from the baker’s. Fairenough I say. However so did the supermarkets; they didn’t care, because they built their own, and now most people wouldn’t be able to taste or see the difference between butchers meat and supermarket butchers meat; and to be perfectly honest they wouldn’t even care so long as the price is right, and with supermarkets its always right. In case you haven’t realised yet the store I’m talking about is TESCO or as it probably should be called TESCO-The regime. That’s right the wonderful big store up the road with everything you could possibly desire, Christmas shopping all under one roof... fantastic.

Or is it?? Are we slowly getting told where to buy and where to shop through subliminal messages?

Is the propaganda of TESCOELATED advertisement eating into our very souls coaxing us into to worshipping a false and money sucking overlord? Probably not, would be the answer but that doesn’t mean that it won’t happen and it certainly doesn’t mean it’s not possible because scarily enough it most certainly is.  TESCO is a powerful and controlling allied (much like the U.S) and if they bought into arms they would be even more powerful so (much like the U.S) you see to be able to notice the similarities between a supermarket chain to a superpower is quite a feat but with TESCO, not that much. I mean they are based in a place called Cheshunt for god’s sake a place name made out of strategy and the skill to chase dominate and kill- Chess and hunt; coincidence much?? It seems this is fate in its purest form, Tesco was destined to become the machine it is today; and with a whopping operating income of £3.4 billion it doesn’t seem to be slowing down. So in the future when you’re driving your TESCO bought car on your TESCO insurance powered by your TESCO fuel and you turn on TESCO radio and hear that the TESCO Army are now preparing to go to war, in alarm you pick up your TESCO mobile and phone your relatives who are on holiday on their TESCO club card points and you tell them to stay out of the conflict zone. Just remember that you read this, and that being a drone is not always the wisest way; so by golly don’t say I didn’t warn you.

GOBBLEDIGOOK

Throughout most of mans history religion has been the main and primary cause behind most conflicts in the past and the present ones of today. Surely religion is too petty and minute to be a reason for death and destruction or is that just my typical English non-religious view? It’s not that i don’t believe in a god (On the contrary, I’m open minded about most things) it’s just that i cannot comprehend how certain cultures can go to war over religion without any proof of whether what they are fighting for is even true!

 Religion seems to be strongest in the Middle East and lower economically developed countries (LEDCS) maybe the fact that they are so poor is the reason why religion is so important almost like a last resort, something to save and give purpose to their lives, something to hold on too or feel a part of.  Over time the meaning of religion has changed, now it is often associated with conflict and rivalry, instead of the peaceful message it was intended to give. Religious wars are corrupt with money, land, and oil to name a few; with religion acting as a mere front for the real reason behind the fighting. Maybe in places such as Afganistan, if the people weren’t so poorly educated then who nos the conflict might not be so great. How much longer will war go on for?  Forever?

 People say it is an honour to die for their country but shouldn’t the government ensure that nobody should carry such a burden? When,  soldiers fight some people seem to forget that there is a whole lot of killing being done you could argue that they murder they do one of the things which our law states no person should do; take another human life. YES I understand the circumstances are different but all the same these soldiers take lives’, no matter whose side you’re on both sides kill, so how can people criticise one and not the other? It is the harsh reality of what the world has become- destructive; and all the majority of average people can do is to sit by and ponder upon; ask questions, how? Who? Why?

 Industry is everywhere and technology and science is coming on in leaps and bounds and if you put mankind’s ( or womankind’s for those P.C out there) it really is quite amazing at how much we have all achieved which begs the question are there other civilisations out there?  Who are perhaps greater than us and too them we are merely  glorified cave men; or are we indeed masters of the universe who are too quick to let our imaginations run away with us and are we here by coincidence or mistake? Maybe someday we will know for sure, but it is doubtful as we are merely another generation of humans in this world and many are to come and they too will have more questions of their own.

berryfunny: The Options of Old

berryfunny: The Options of Old: "Old people. The elderly. The aged. All terms used to describe the older members of our society. Generally, unless they are your relatives, y..."

Rude Snowmen and other pressing issues

It was last December; just before the Christmas holidays the UK was lucky enough to see a flourish of snow into the new year. It was wonderful at first everyone loved it; people of all ages were out and about in the white gold dust which leads to the beginning I was walking through my local church cemetery  a place of sanctuary in the summer, a place of mystic in the dark of winter and now a snowy wintry haven, a Santa grotto if you will except for all the dead body's buried in the ground unless of course it is the grotto of a murderous Santa who perhaps kidnaps children in his sack and maybe brings them to his wintry retreat to give to his elves to feast upon. Anyway I was walking through when all of a sudden I saw a group of teenagers up ahead "HMM trouble" I thought so went to a nearby bench sat opposite the boys but far enough away so to be hidden by the falling veil of snow; i felt like a spy and if i was much older I suppose a paedophile anyway as i was saying these boys cant have been much more than about 18 so young men really; and do u know what they were doing? They were building a snowman that's right all four of them clubbing together to construct there monument; it really was rather nice to see, OK they may have been building it right on the former grass verge before snow covered, the same verge which was next to the church door and right in front of several tombstones. However it wasn't sacrilege it was a sign of peace to the dead a happy snowman resting there too with there souls (corpses) that was when it happened before my very eyes the tallest one of the group picked up a massive clump of snow and he began to fashion it. That's right fashioning was going on in the shape of a great big snowy penis!! I was so flabbergasted I nearly fell off my bench I couldn't believe my eyes this happy smiling snowman was now beaming down upon the graves with an almighty stonker on; no wonder he was so happy. This former sign of peace this prior symbol beacon if you will of happiness had now been defaced for pleasure of the devil! So of course i approached the boys who saw me coming and said " do  like our snowman?" and of course me being a man of faith i did not so i said " Oh I suppose some dickheads did that did they?" Before they could reply my confrontation was rudely disturbed by that of a rather burly middle aged chappy complete with girlfriend on arm laughing in delight at this abomination! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? His lady friend was also amused, of course i was aghast naturally the boys then repeated there question to this gentlemen who replied " bloody brilliant lads i av to whack mine with ammer to make it that big!" and with that he took a picture of it so of course for purely vigilante purposes i did the same the boys then mentioned he was called 'Enrique and with that they were gone I never did find out why me and my friends decided to call him that it just seemed apt :)

I DONT DO MORNINGS!

Sleep; good ole sleep cant beat it the lovely docile bodily requirement designed to heal and replenish your body and mind. LOVELY ain't it; but IL tell ya what Sonny's I bloody hate it when you come across the bastard people in your life that very much certainly do do mornings: Just picture it, its a peaceful Sunday morning; your just beginning to stir , your in a place somewhere between dosing and awake, its beautiful the warm sun gently shines through the window warmly caressing your face, your body so snug beneath the covers silently smiling to yourself as you confidently know you have no reason to arise. Then it happens!! Whatever complete dickweed asshole bastard son of Lucifer you live with be it your brother cousins or roommate decides to get up right at the bloody crack of dawn!!! I cannot think of anything more infuriatingly annoying than somebody that does this; they could at least have the courtesy to be quiet and maybe consider yourself but no they bloody bulldoze out of bed charge down the stairs , any bloody body would think theres a fire but no that's just Gillian the room mate arising again. Down the stairs radio switched on back doors open the fags lit up kettles roars on and of course she now finds it necessary to turn the television on as well! I mean iv heard women can multi task but this is something else! What is it ' lets see how much electricity i can use in one morrning' game. So then theres you or me rather laying there in bed now very much awake shall i get up? you think no you don't want to go downstairs maybe? No you've got a roaring hard on so now your trapped in your own room with an embarrassing erection after being slumber disturbed. This is a message to anyone who thinks this is OK to do its not!! HAVE SOME BLOODY CONSIDERATION! The next time it happens IL charge down the stairs fry the mains up with a big FIZZ before swiftly whipping out my manhood and having a big morning piss all over your bloody toast!!! GOT IT! please comment if you share my anger if you disagree leave your name and address at the bottom and IL send the boys round shortly.